The REAL Reason Christian Women Can't Find Good Men with Rachel Smith

In this powerful conversation, Rob sits down with content creator and worship leader Rachel to discuss faith, relationships, and the journey of self-discovery. Fresh off a year of personal transformation that she describes as a "rebirth," Rachel opens up about navigating boundaries in Christian dating, breaking generational patterns as a single mom, and finding her calling in ministry.

Key Topics Discussed

Personal Transformation & Faith Journey

• Rachel's "rebirth" story: healing from a difficult relationship and rediscovering her identity in Christ
• The difference between inherited faith and personal conviction
• How surrendering control led to unexpected breakthrough in ministry

Boundaries & Alignment in Christian Dating

• Why both partners need strong personal boundaries, not just agreement with yours
• The importance of spiritual alignment over surface-level compatibility
• How to discern the depth of someone's convictions through their actions

What Christian Men Need to Understand

• Moving beyond surface-level attraction to value heart and calling
• Why strong women aren't looking for dominance but partnership
• The difference between submission and being steamrolled in relationships

Single Motherhood & Breaking Generational Patterns

• Protecting children while modeling healthy relationship standards
• The intentional work of breaking cycles of dysfunction
• Teaching daughters their worth through example

Vulnerability & Emotional Intelligence

• Why men struggle with going deeper in relationships
• The difference between sharing your story and emotional dumping
• How healing transforms vulnerability from weakness to strength

Ministry & Purpose

• Rachel's journey from exploited talent to authentic anointing
• Balancing passionate ministry calling with relationship desires
• Why every relationship had previously pulled her away from God

Key Quotes

"I want someone where our calling is aligned, but I don't want to wear the pants. I want somebody to see all of the things that I am and go, what can I do to nourish this."

"You can't offend a dead man - when you're solid in who you are and God's got you, vulnerability becomes sharing the blessing, not risking rejection."

"My boundaries are my responsibility. If anybody tries to cross the lines, it's up to me to communicate that."

"Strength doesn't necessarily mean dominance. I'm not afraid to submit to a man of God."

Final Encouragement

Rachel's message to men: "It all goes back to Jesus. You've got to do the internal work and quit playing victim. Once you start to change yourself, you start to change what you like and what you want and what you let in."

Connect with Rachel

• TikTok: @allthingsrachel (faith content, relationship insights, and authentic life sharing)

This episode tackles the intersection of faith and relationships with refreshing honesty. Whether you're navigating dating as a Christian, working on personal growth, or seeking to understand healthy relationship dynamics, this conversation offers valuable insights for building authentic connections rooted in purpose.

Transcript

Rob Pene (00:01.89)
Very good. Okay. Thank you, everyone. Thank you, Rachel Smith for joining. It's nice to meet you. I'm Rob. And I am excited about this episode because the content you put out is really, really encouraging, but also can be polarizing for little, you know, for men in particular. I think this conversation is going to be a lot about relationships.

Rachel (00:07.434)
All right.

Rachel (00:14.733)
Okay.

Rob Pene (00:29.044)
And you also, mean, your faith is pretty out there, so that's pretty encouraging. But I think it's, I mean, as a parent, you know, it gets tough, but you're navigating through all that stuff. usually on the show, I start with a question. So this question is gonna kind of spearhead the conversation. So yeah, get ready for it. If you were to look at the last six to 12 months of your life,

Rachel (00:51.615)
Okay, I'm ready.

Rob Pene (00:58.498)
and you were to turn that into a Netflix special, what would your movie be about and what would it be called?

Rachel (01:03.533)
Okay.

Rachel (01:07.662)
rebirth. I mean, that's the first thing that just came to my mind is rebirth. And do you want me to elaborate?

Rob Pene (01:08.876)
Okay.

Rob Pene (01:16.3)
Yeah, absolutely, yeah.

Rachel (01:18.249)
Okay, so where I was a year ago, it's absolutely insane. I'd gotten out of a relationship that I shouldn't have been in and I was trying to find who I was. I had compromised a lot of my boundaries, compromised a lot of who I was, and I honestly didn't really know who I was. And I kind of got tired of the same patterns that I was finding myself in. So I kind of got to a place where I was like, all right, Lord, I'm done.

with doing it my way, what does your way look like? And I wasn't perfect, but I decided just to give him my yes. And I just kind of went full force into that because that's just who I am. I like to take risks. I don't like giving up. I've never been a victim to any type of circumstance. And I got involved in my church and figured out where my calling was, what my purpose was, and just kind of going in that direction.

direction and partnering with people that helped to build me up and he showed me a lot and he broke a lot of things off of me and it's been this incredible purification process, this healing process of finding out who I am. So who I am today, I mean the relationship ended literally right at a year ago and seeing where I'm at today

versus a year ago, it's night and day difference. I don't even recognize that girl anymore. So, rebirth. Yeah.

Rob Pene (02:47.404)
Rebirth, okay, I like that. Now, were you a Christian during that time or did it come after?

Rachel (02:58.604)
So I have been a Christian my entire life. I was raised in church. It was something that I've always had really strong convictions about. Now, my parents were the ones that were like, you gotta go to church. So I kind of was riding on their coattail of faith and beliefs. So, know, whenever I moved out on my own, I had to find that on my own. And I've ran.

and I made a lot of stupid decisions and mistakes, but every single time the Lord kept pulling me back and got me back to where I'm at. So I've never backslid. I've just had seasons of my life where I had kind of put him on the back burner, knowing in the back of my mind that he was like, I'm going to be patient with you, but what are you doing? So, yeah.

Rob Pene (03:51.31)
Now for context for the listeners, Rachel is a content creator. happy birthday by the way, it was recently your birthday. Yeah, it's a nice exciting, and you hit your 10,000 goal, right? Yeah, that's fun. But the content she puts out a lot to do with faith, but also relationships. And she had a video that went viral that, my for you pages of personal development, sports and all that stuff. And the personal development stuff, guess it,

Rachel (03:52.338)
Thank

Rachel (03:59.382)
Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah, yeah.

Rob Pene (04:21.382)
with your content kind of showed up. Because what stood out to me were two words. And I can tell, as a man, a Christian man, still trying to work things out, learn as I grow, I know a lot of men don't talk about these two words. Which is also why women get frustrated. And I'm assuming which is also why the video came out because you're like, what do you mean? Understand boundaries and alignment, right?

Rachel (04:39.291)
Okay.

Rachel (04:50.664)
less.

Rob Pene (04:51.018)
boundaries and alignment are very, very important. I recently was awakened to that and, you know, it's important, but it's not something that's commonly talked about amongst men, right? So let's dive deep into that and maybe you can give some insight into how dudes can kind of view it in a way that can align, right?

Rachel (05:02.965)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Rachel (05:19.241)
Right. Yeah. So one of the things that I have been learning is that my boundaries are my responsibility. And if anybody ever tries to cross the lines, it is up to me to say, we're not doing this anymore and to communicate that whenever it comes to relationships. Gosh, it's such a multi-layered thing because you take the things that you've been through.

Rob Pene (05:19.54)
Yeah, yeah, with Christian women.

Rachel (05:49.085)
in your childhood, the trauma and past relationships. And one of the things that I found myself doing was looking for worth looking for something out of these relationships. So I would say this is my boundary. This is what I'm going to do. And then I would have a man come along and say, hey, you're pretty. You have a lot to offer, seemingly. Let's talk. And then one thing would lead to another. And it would be, I don't know, it was just difficult for them to

go deep to understand the depth of anything else that I had to offer. And I don't know, one of the videos that I had posted where it was just like a silly video where I was like, if any man wants to pursue me, we're doing emails from now on. And it triggered like a lot of men. I'm like, is this a boundary setting type situation? Because I mean, I would never do that. But in my head,

Rob Pene (06:35.34)
Yeah, yeah.

Rachel (06:47.158)
I know my worth and I know what I have to offer and I have fought so hard for that and I want a man to come in and not only respect my boundaries, but to have his own boundaries and say, I don't want to have sex before marriage. I don't want to even cross any of these lines. I don't want to have any of these temptations. And that's kind of where that alignment comes in.

because I have had men all day say, yeah, that's okay. Yeah, like if you don't, if you want to wait until marriage, that's okay. But their heart wasn't convicted the same way as mine was. So it always ended up, I crossed my own boundaries and one thing would lead to another and I would compromise who I was because this man didn't care. So it's not only does everyone have to have their own boundaries and hold to that boundary, but you have to find someone that is

as strong in their convictions as you are and make sure that you're in alignment with the Lord because mistakes are bound to happen. We're human and we constantly have to fight the flesh and fight that desire. But what is the most attractive thing to me in a man is not perfection, but whenever a boundary is crossed saying, hey, I screwed up. I shouldn't have done this. I love the Lord and I care about you. So let me back off and let's do this over again or

take some time and pray or whatever. So does that answer your question? Okay.

Rob Pene (08:13.624)
Yeah, I had a follow up question. I think you just answered that in that last statement. My question was going to be, how do you determine and how you discern the depth of their conviction when they do say something? But I guess it's, they'll act on it and they'll either ask for forgiveness or repent or talk with you about it.

Rachel (08:33.095)
Right. Yes, and that's, I don't know if I have found that yet. I had a situation happen very recently where it was someone very kind, very nice, and I enjoyed speaking with him, but there was obviously a struggle there for him in certain areas, and there were lines that were crossed, and I entertained it a little further than I should have, but then I was like...

Okay, I'm drawing, I'm redrawing my line because this doesn't need to happen. He didn't really get defensive. And it's not like I was looking for him to chase after me in any sense. But I expressed, I didn't feel like it was dramatic, but I expressed, hey, like, I don't really understand how we got here. And this bothers me because you're you're looking for something physical and sexual. And you don't even know my middle name. You know, like you don't know anything about me. And

You you claim to be a man of God, which I don't know his heart. I do think that he is a man of God. But what's going on? And he just said, you know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disrespect you. But, know, I can just see that this is, you know, there's nothing I can say to make you feel better. So I hope I hope you have a nice life. And I'm like, that's it. That's what we're going to do. Like, conversate with me about it. I'm not trying to shut you out and break things off. I just want to I just want to talk about it. And they just ran. That was it.

Rob Pene (10:01.846)
Yeah, now, what are, I guess, let me know if this is too personal, but what are you seeing in terms of men, Christian men, that should be improved? I think the boundaries and the alignment thing is great, but it goes deeper than that, right? I think on the front end, right, when you first meet, there's some things that should be established there, at least some transparency.

Rachel (10:21.033)
and

Rob Pene (10:31.724)
Right? What are you seeing in your experience? What can we do to get better, Crazy dudes.

Rachel (10:34.364)
Okay, so I have been...

Rachel (10:41.454)
So obviously it's okay to have that physical attraction. You know, I want to be physically attracted to the person that I'm with. There was somebody that I, and I speak an analogy and I'm a storyteller, so it connects with me whenever I can connect it to a story. So there was someone that I saw that was very much involved in ministry. I loved whenever I would see him out at gatherings. I loved the way that he worshipped. He was involved with

worship team and he very much seemed like a man of God. And I'm like, our purpose, there's a lot of calling that kind of lines up here. And he took interest as well and thought I was attractive, all of these other things, but then he found out I was a little bit older than him. And he's like, no, I'm too immature. She's quote unquote smoking hot, but you know, I probably need to go somebody a little bit younger than me just because of the maturity. And I was like,

So that's it. Like, you don't care about my heart in the Lord. Like, you don't see my convictions and my passion and how I, you know, weep for revival in the hearts of people. All it comes down to is either looks or surface level things. And so it's like, don't, I can't wrap my head around why men seem to be.

not going to make assumptions, seem to be afraid of a woman that is very rooted and grounded in who she is. it's like that's like a big thing that that men are like, that's how it came across with this guy. she's she's very established, she's very mature, and i'm not ready for that. i'm like okay, well we'll get there, do something about it.

Rob Pene (12:12.066)
Yeah

Rob Pene (12:24.238)
well, now are you saying do something about it while getting to know you or do something about it, go and then come back.

Rachel (12:30.659)
Either way, I'm the type of person where I give a little bit too much grace in relationships. I love to see the potential in people. That's my personality. That's the heart that God gave me. I love to watch people grow and I love to teach and train and assist people in that. I'm not, I'm okay being single right now. My standards are like off the charts and I'm like, Lord, it's going to be up to you to bring me somebody because I know what I want.

But if that means this guy going away and getting with the Lord and figuring out what that looks like and then coming back and apologizing and saying, the Lord showed me your heart, the Lord showed me who you are. And no, I don't have as much life experience as you, but I know on a spiritual level, there is something here and I want to explore that.

Rob Pene (13:21.23)
Okay, okay, that's good, that's good. As a mother, where does your faith, then also the tricky part is the relationships, as a single mom and all that stuff, how does that look like in your life as a mom?

Rachel (13:41.451)
So it's been very redeeming raising a little human that is the spitting image of me personality wise. It's incredible and it's the battle of wills like every single day. But one of the things that has grown in me is I want to break generational curses. You know, there's some things that my mom, who's my best friend, has gone through.

Rob Pene (13:54.574)
You

Rachel (14:07.834)
and has broken things off in me. And now there are things that I am trying to break off. So my daughter doesn't have to go through divorce, doesn't have to entertain men that don't see her value and worth. So I have to be so much more intentional because I want my daughter, A, she sees me lead worship. She's very much involved in my ministry and travels with me. And, you know, I've brought her up on stage with me before.

Rob Pene (14:33.581)
Mmm.

Rachel (14:35.002)
But with the relationships, I want her to see a man that her mother is a very strong woman. I want her to see a man love and support and come side by side in the relationship. Something that's not only just healthy and the love is there, but something passionate and intentional because that's what she deserves. So I don't.

Rob Pene (14:56.878)
Mmm.

Rachel (15:03.407)
There's only one man that's ever met my daughter outside of her dad. And that was something that lasted almost a year that we ended things. But after that, I'm like, I just, I want to see her mother loved correctly. And I'm not gonna let anybody into her life that first can't go through me and pass the test.

Rob Pene (15:27.372)
Yeah, yeah, What did you learn from the divorce? Like what's helped you to build you up to where you're at now? Like were there any specific lessons that you're like, I don't like that, I'm gonna work on it so I can be better prepared or next time? Yeah, what were those lessons?

Rachel (15:45.146)
Yeah. So I've been in counseling for two years and for the longest time, I've always been pretty self-aware. always been, I've always kind of acknowledged my faults. I'm the type of person that's like, if somebody tells me something I did wrong, even if there's emotions and defensiveness involved, I still take a step back and go, okay, is what they said valid? Let me figure out if there's anything in me that I need to change. So

There's a lot that happened in that marriage. He's a good guy, but there's a lot that happened. And whenever I came out of it, I made some mistakes that ultimately ended the marriage. but I wanted I kept saying, well, you did this and you did that and you did this. And it was this cycle that was mentally draining and tormenting me because I wanted to feel seen, heard and validated. But once I finally came to the realization, I can't change him. That's that's the Lord's job.

let me look at myself. I, being this strong woman, and all of the things that I've gone through, my dad raised me and my sisters and I was the oldest child and I put myself in these authoritarian positions that nobody asked of me. I took on responsibilities that I shouldn't have and that I didn't need to and I had a hard time trusting people. So the man that I was married to, he kind of got buried beneath all of that.

And I was very headstrong and stubborn and combative and argumentative. And we had a good relationship. But whenever it came to decision making and allowing him to lead, I did not trust him to do that. So I never even he never even had the opportunity or the chance to step into that masculine because I couldn't let it go. And that that's on me. So that's one of the things that I had to learn is

I don't have to do life by myself. You know, I want to discern and I want to make sure that the partner that I choose is competent and capable. And I'm not saying that he wasn't, but we were both very young when we got married. But but once someone shows that they have my truest intentions at heart and says, I need you to let me have this. I've got this. I can take care of it. I need to I have done a lot better at relinquishing that and saying, all right.

Rob Pene (18:04.59)
Yeah, I think.

Rachel (18:10.86)
Okay, let me give this over to you and share the burdens of this world.

Rob Pene (18:17.134)
So you mentioned leadership. Are you the type now where you prefer someone to match your leadership or do you prefer someone to balance your leadership? Because you're headstrong, you're like, man, go get her. Do you want someone that could be there with you or to be kind of different and there's that delicate balance?

Rachel (18:38.319)
So that's where I'm at right now because who I was married to was the absolute complete opposite of me and there was a lot of clashing in that and I'm not saying that it couldn't have worked but it made things really difficult and then the relationship I jumped into after that was the exact same as me and we butted heads because he wanted the leadership and I wanted the leadership and and he wanted

Rob Pene (18:46.285)
Okay.

Rachel (19:05.084)
me to submit and all of these other things that were not healthy. And so where I'm at now is like, I want someone where our calling is a line, but and I don't want to wear the pants. That's not at all it. OK, there's a lady that there's a there's a lady that I run with who is an evangelist. And this woman is probably one of the most incredible women I've ever met, kind and loves people. And she is strong. And her husband.

He kind of does the sound and he sometimes is a little bit behind the scenes, but I get to see them together a lot and I could cry because it's like that's my perfect picture of what a marriage should look like because the way that he loves her and the way that he supports her is like anything I've ever seen and it's not that he's lesser than her. He has his calling and his purposes and he has his moments where he gets to rise up and shine.

but he is her rock and without him, I don't think she would be who she is and where she's at today.

So don't know if that, so it's like, want to match, but there's always gonna be this give and take, but I don't want somebody to try to control me. I want somebody to see all of the things that I am and go, what can I do to nourish this and make sure that she's not taking on too much and doing too much, but that she is stepping into all of the things that she can be.

Rob Pene (20:15.298)
Yeah.

Rob Pene (20:34.838)
Yeah, there's something to be said about this cliche term called servant leadership in a relationship. I think when you have two strong people, the understanding of servant leadership is where things will work, right? You know when to let that person lead and when to support, right? And vice versa, because that flexibility I think is extremely key, right? And that's where the servant leadership comes into play. That's huge.

Rachel (20:49.476)
Mm-hmm.

Rob Pene (21:04.518)
what? For the men that's listening, because I'm going to be sending this to the dudes, man.

Rachel (21:08.966)
Okay.

Rob Pene (21:14.166)
I don't think there's anything wrong with a strong woman, but I think secretly guys might be afraid of that, know, butting heads or might be afraid of relinquishing control, right? It's not about that, but from the woman's side, what do you think the top three traits from a strong woman, what are the top three traits would you encourage men to focus on?

Rachel (21:28.599)
Thank you.

Rob Pene (21:43.82)
to work on. Yeah.

Rachel (21:47.954)
So passion, a true passion, not just like a hobby, but something that they are passionate about. Their eyes light up. Their heart, not just their words, but the heart behind it, the intentionality behind it. And what's another word? Drive, maybe? I don't know if that would go along with

Rob Pene (21:51.502)
And then...

Rachel (22:11.606)
with passion, but there's a difference between like a, whenever men think of a strong woman, they think of dominant. Strength doesn't necessarily mean dominance. And submission is the word that people kind of like to stay away from sometimes. And something I want to touch on really quick because I'm not afraid to submit to a man of God.

just because I am strong and just because I have independence where I don't necessarily need a man, I'm not afraid to submit. And what a man's, what that means for a man is not to make the decision and I just have to listen to you because I'm very opinionated and if you tell me no, I'm gonna want to know why. You need to explain to me because in my head it makes sense. What a man's role is to say we are not going to move forward until we are

one on this. So I'm not here to make the ultimate decision all the time, but coming down to buying a car, babe, I don't feel good about it. Well, I do. Okay, well, we're not going to buy a car today. Let's go home and pray about it until we're one and we're not going to move forward on this. That is a man's responsibility. That's what the wife and the woman is supposed to submit to is he answers to God. We all answer to God, but the man answers to God. So

I think that's what men get afraid of whenever they think of this strong woman is that they're going to have to cower down and that I'm in charge and make all of the decisions. That's not what I want. I want a partnership. I want you to support me and see all of the things that I am and not be afraid of it, but be excited for it because life is exciting. And that's what I can bring to the table on that.

Rob Pene (23:48.919)
Yeah

Rob Pene (23:58.542)
Yeah

Yeah, it reminds me of that scripture where the man and wife, the husband and wife are co-heirs. They collaborate on it. that's interesting that you said drive, passion, right? And what I didn't hear is what's commonly, you know, going through men's minds is the provide, the protect, the be the leader, right? But you're talking about things that are a lot

Rachel (24:08.235)
Mm-hmm.

Rachel (24:29.441)
.

Rob Pene (24:31.288)
deeper, more kind of internal, like not that outward facing, nice car kind of thing.

Rachel (24:38.75)
Right, right, right. Yeah, I mean, I don't... I couldn't care less about any of that stuff. You know, it's not about money. It's not about the outward things. And it could be for some people out there. I don't know. I know that whenever it comes to my personality, my mom used to call me the ponderer because I just like to think on the deeper and greater things in life. So I want a strong man. I want a man that's going to be able to say,

Rachel, you are a little bit out of line and I need you to chill out. You know, I don't want someone that's afraid of conflict with me, that's afraid to speak up and tell me no or hey, I don't feel like this is the right time or right move to do this. Strength to me is just, it's the heart. It all comes down to the heart and capabilities and the purpose someone has in their life.

Rob Pene (25:32.59)
Okay, that brings up an idea that I've been pondering about lately. It's just back and forth in terms of the concept of vulnerability. I think right now, vulnerability is a bunch of garbage. Because what happens is when you put yourself out there or when you expose things, you have a higher likelihood of being rejected than not just because it's scary.

Now on the flip side, my mind's like, no, it's okay. You have to, because that's where you get to grow, right? When you talk about getting to know people, it's, I mean, it's cool. Yeah, favorite color, favorite ice cream, but get to knowing people is more like, this is one thing, know, emotions, whatever, all that stuff. So what's your take on vulnerability? Cause I think men don't really like it.

Rachel (26:00.693)
Right. Right. No, they don't. I've met...

And there's so many layers to that. And it's one of the things I've had to learn as well because I've been a guarded person and it's there's a difference between telling my story and saying these are all of the mistakes that I've made and then going into this deeper thing of how it affected me and childhood memories and all of this other stuff. I don't know. Let me think. I lost my train of thought on the vulnerability side of things.

You have to discern on when to say what because you don't want to just go right out the gate and spill everything because you don't know who you're talking to. But but it's it's one of these things that there was someone I was talking to and any time I would try to go like a little bit deep, he would just disappear. And I'm like, OK, obviously, this is not going to work because whether I can't pull anything out of you, I'm a safe space.

Rob Pene (27:09.197)
Yeah, yeah,

Rachel (27:26.449)
and I will ask questions and I will probe a little bit, but there was a video that I made that was talking about how I love listening to a man talk about his passions, and I had a lot of comments that were like, yeah, so you can take it and use it against us later. And that it broke my heart because I'm like, you know what, that was your experience and that's exactly what happened, but you can't.

Rob Pene (27:43.756)
Exactly. Crazy.

Rachel (27:52.338)
allow past experiences to dictate how you live your life and how you receive love. So you have to you have to be careful on what you tell people and and how you open up but that's why it's so important to not have a whole lot I don't want to say secrets but

You just got to be careful who you're speaking to. So I understand the discernment of that. But don't don't be afraid to dig a little bit deeper because you're going to be able to see how somebody handles the information. You know, if somebody goes, OK, or they start to ask a little bit more questions and try to try to go through all of that with you, then, you know, it's their stages. There's levels of it.

Rob Pene (28:35.022)
Yeah, that's good. think it's funny that those commenters said that and that's indicative of men, right? Because of the short-sighted approach to feelings and then the hatred towards being rejected. I know for me when I went through life and all that stuff and going through the healing journey, I have a video, I threw this up not too long ago, but the idea of you can't offend a dead man, right? And what I mean by that is,

Rachel (29:03.038)
Yep.

Rob Pene (29:04.429)
you've given yourself over, you've like, God is alive in you. So anything, don't take it personal because he's brought you through it. So when you're living with that perspective, it's okay to be vulnerable because whatever the outcome is, right? Whether it's embrace or rejection, it doesn't matter because you're solid in and of yourself. You know who you are, God's got you, you know, all that stuff. I think

Rachel (29:25.576)
Yes.

Right.

Rob Pene (29:34.126)
that initial part in a relationship for men that has to be addressed to make sure that, you're not going in this with all these emotions that you'll get butt hurt and she doesn't like you or something. It's like, nah, it's cool because instead of being vulnerable, you're actually sharing the blessing, right? The story of God helping you through it and then the redemptive nature and story, all of that stuff.

Rachel (29:36.99)
Right.

Rachel (29:55.042)
Right.

Rachel (29:59.528)
Right. And that's such a good point is owning the vulnerability because it kind of depends on the heart of what you share it from because I'm healed. You know, I'm not perfect, but you know, somebody comes to me and says, hey, so-and-so told me you did this. I'm going to be like, yep, sure did. You can see it on my TikTok. I did that. So if you come from a place of victimhood of like, yeah, this is why.

Rob Pene (30:21.038)
I hope.

Rachel (30:28.034)
to me and then it's used against you it just buries you deeper in that shame but whenever you are healed and you and you have to do the work on yourself you've got to do that because then people can taking advantage of you if I were to take I don't know if I can word it that way but what you said is just so spot-on yeah absolutely

Rob Pene (30:52.066)
Yeah, I think doing the work is important, but there's no end to doing the work. I I fell into that where it was compartmentalized. Like when I went through life, I focused really heavily on this thing and God brought me through it. And then I'm just going to go live life. And then what happened was some of the insecurities caught up to me that, that God already moved me through, but I didn't intentionally close the door myself. So then I started to exhibit some of those behaviors and then

Rachel (30:58.663)
Yeah.

Rachel (31:13.849)
and

Rachel (31:18.55)
Yeah. Right.

Rob Pene (31:21.57)
blah, whatever, and then I had to, you know, see it from a different perspective after life kind of humbles you to be reminded of, okay, yeah, nah, sorry, didn't mean to do that because I have grown from it. So this is helpful because I more men need to be a little more bold, right, in themselves.

Rachel (31:38.297)
Right.

Rachel (31:48.401)
Yes.

Rob Pene (31:52.054)
and less concerned about what someone else is thinking and to be detached from that outcome of whatever people think, because that will then allow for a real, a fair shot for a relationship, right?

Rachel (32:07.048)
Right. Yes. Yeah. So I've been in this industry for about six and a half years and there was a lot of crazy stuff that happened where dealing with my boss who was a man, but I don't mean that in a

Rob Pene (32:08.714)
Now you own a company. Do you want to talk about that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rachel (32:27.971)
any weird way, but it was like the more I tried to make changes and advocate for the people that worked there, the more he pushed back and we sat down with a mediator and even the mediator was like, I don't see him budget. And I'm like, okay, all right, Lord, like, let me put in job applications everywhere. But I'd already he had already placed it in my heart to start my own thing. But I was looking at years down the road, but he confirmed it. Like I had random people that were like, hey, you know,

you're the Lord wanting you to start a company, get your business cards made. And I'm like, all right, let me start doing that. And he just opened all of the doors. And so October of 2023 is whenever I stepped into all of that. And that's been that's all I've done since then. I don't have part time jobs and it's incredible. It's absolutely incredible the timing of it because

Not only do I get to spend more time with my daughter, which is incredibly important, but the ministry that I've stepped into. I travel with my evangelist and I get to go all over the place with her and do our crusades and outreaches and conferences and revivals. And I don't have a job that's tying me down from stepping into the purpose, walking in the calling that God has for my life.

So I want to grow it and I want to build it, but I kind of like where I'm at right now because I can just drop everything and go.

Rob Pene (33:52.898)
Yeah, so I know you dance. I didn't know you sing.

Rachel (33:56.132)
Yeah.

Rob Pene (33:57.693)
Singing is probably the main thing for you,

Rachel (34:00.251)
Yeah, yeah. It's, I mean, like I, I danced in like my younger years and in high school and things like that. So it's not something that I'm like super passionate about. It's just fun. But singing is is is the anointing. There's something that the Lord has. I don't even know if I fully want to talk about what he's doing right now. It's just.

Rob Pene (34:16.92)
Hmm.

Rachel (34:26.906)
He took it. I don't want to say he took it for me. I think I made a video on that where I was on the worship team and I've had people all the time, Rachel, whenever you sing, it's just anointed. And I didn't know what that meant. I'm like, that's cool. I'm just singing. Like, I mean, I'm worshiping. It's not like I'm performing, but my gifts were exploited. You know, the church wasn't seeing my fruit. They were seeing she has talent. Let's put her on stage.

Rob Pene (34:53.038)
Hmm.

Rachel (34:53.146)
and I was still ushering in the Holy Spirit, but my heart was not in the right spot at all. And the Lord, six years ago, pulled me out of that because it wasn't, the anointing really didn't belong to Him. So I sat on it when, know, He was my husband at the time. We left the church that we were a part of and we weren't involved in any church. And from time to time,

conferences would pop up and we would get invited to go do worship, but and I got invited to join worship teams at a couple of churches and I would get really excited and be like, is this it Lord? And he would be like, no, it was even though my path wasn't directly where it needed to be, I'd still knew in my heart. He was like, no, this is not for you. You've got to wait. And whenever I surrendered everything over to him and I try to make it short, but whenever I started

running with my evangelist and doing the crusades. Nobody knew that I could sing. I just started going to this church and they found one of my Instagram videos or Facebook and they were like, oh, you sing and play piano. I'm like, kinda. And so I started helping. You know, I started off just playing keyboards because, you know, that guy wasn't there that day. And then I kind of stepping into it. And then they started to see and feel the anointing that God had placed on my life. And now

Rob Pene (36:02.691)
Yeah

Rachel (36:17.699)
You know, I'm like my evangelist's right-hand woman whenever it comes to worship. I'm the one that does that. And it wasn't... So the Lord brought that back to me. And now the anointing and where my heart is at is fully rooted in Him, that performance and trying to people please and, you know, exploited by the world and people trying to grab this light that they think is shiny. It's just me and Him now.

where I'm at, he placed me. Like it was not me at all, it was him.

Rob Pene (36:51.994)
Now, how do you navigate your ministry, like the music, because it sounds like you're very passionate about it and it's just who you are, and there's a lot of energy there, but how do you navigate that with the relationship life, right? Because that energy kind of frequency is very different, and it's more taxing on one side and the other one is a lot more peaceful.

Rachel (37:08.046)
Yeah.

Rachel (37:14.348)
Yes, and that's so right now I'm in a season of singleness and I've accepted it. I used to think that I didn't have as much significance unless I was with a man. I felt like people looked at me and there might be some people that look at me lesser than because I'm single, but it really just recently within the last couple of months I'm like I am rooted in Christ and I don't need anybody else to tell me who I am or give me worth. So in the dating world it's

That's why I've been on one day in like a year because these men see this beautiful girl and you sing and you do all of these really cool things, but then whenever they start to talk to me, I'm not this overzealous person, but I am a zealous person whenever it comes to the Lord. And so they're like, can we go out on Wednesday? I can't. I have church on Wednesdays and I go, okay, well what are you doing next week? Well, I actually have a revival.

thing going on all week and that's where I'm going to be and they're like and they just kind of disappear. So I don't know. I don't know. I know it's not always going to be this way, but I just know that that's where I'm at. I just I know that I'm because I'm running after the Lord and I just know one day I'm going to look over and there's my future husband's going to be right there, you know, and I don't know exactly what that looks like, but I am tired of

Rob Pene (38:22.892)
And they don't want to go. They should want to go.

Rachel (38:42.061)
being in relationships that separate me from the Lord. Every single relationship I have ever, ever, ever had has separated me from the Lord, and I'm not doing it anymore. So I trust that if my eyes are on Him, He's going to bring somebody, and it's just going to work out. I don't know how, but it is.

Rob Pene (38:51.074)
Yeah.

Rob Pene (38:59.692)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it could be a random encounter. You never know. then it's just a matter of working it out because you never know. Wow. This has been very good. This has been a great conversation. If people wanted to find your content, where would they go?

Rachel (39:11.929)
Good. Good.

Rachel (39:19.481)
So right now I'm just on TikTok. It's all things Rachel. Just because I talk about everything in my life, you'll see some really weird silly stuff and sarcasm and deep faith talk. so I just want everybody to see my life, the good, bad, and the ugly. So Instagram and Facebook, I still keep very private. Maybe someday I'll open that up. But yeah, TikTok, all things Rachel.

Rob Pene (39:42.252)
All things Rachel, any album, any Spotify single we can hear.

Rachel (39:47.807)
No, no, the Lord's working on that. I went to a conference in Texas two weeks ago, probably the most powerful conference I've ever been to with some incredible evangelists, and the Lord was dropping some things in my spirit. And that's one of the things that he was telling me is I do write music. I just haven't done anything with it.

Rob Pene (40:07.246)
So we can't hear anything then. We can't find anything online, nothing.

Rachel (40:10.584)
I do have some videos of me singing on TikTok. They're kind of down there, but they're there. So, but I could give you my evangelist website, but I don't know if it's a good idea to put my location and church and things like that out there. So, but.

Rob Pene (40:18.37)
Okay, okay, good, that's exciting.

Rob Pene (40:32.044)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you have an evangelist website or the website of the evangelist that you travel with. That's the one that you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. OK, that's cool. Good, good, good. Yeah, we'll keep it private for now. Yeah. Is there is there anything that I might have missed or that because I don't I don't think in my head there's anything. I think I asked all the questions and great, great insight. Did I not touch on anything?

Rachel (40:39.33)
Yes. Yeah. OK. OK.

Rob Pene (41:01.848)
think we're good. Final encouragement to the dudes. Final encouragement to the dudes.

Rachel (41:03.08)
I think so.

Rachel (41:08.217)
It all goes back to Jesus, man. You've got to do the internal work and quit playing victim. We've all been hurt. We've all gone through some stuff. But at the end of the day, you can only change yourself. And once you start to change yourself, you start to change what you like and what you want and what you let in. And you're able to discern better who needs to be in your life. So look at yourself first. the hard. It's hard. It's hard work.

but it's so freeing. There's so much freedom in just giving it all over to the Lord.

Rob Pene (41:44.333)
Yeah, amen, amen. And what that means, the hard work means you do the personal excavation, right? You journal, you talk it out, talk therapy, read books, all that stuff. All that personal stuff, so.

Rachel (41:59.384)
Yeah, I think it's in Psalms 139, David says, search my heart, O Lord, and if there's anything in me, and that's a hard prayer to pray sometimes. But whenever you ask the Lord, all right, God, if there's anything in me that needs to be fixed, be very kind, but show it to me. And he does in a way that's catered and intentional to us. He's not messy about it or, you know,

blunt or ugly or you know he handles it with such intricate care and sometimes you don't even realize that you're in it until you're like he brought me through this in the most graceful merciful way and now i feel free so

Rob Pene (42:45.902)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you do the work on yourself, but you don't have to do the work by yourself.

Rachel (42:52.202)
Yes, that's good. I like it.

Rob Pene (42:54.934)
Yeah, amen. Well, I appreciate you, Rachel. This is great. Yeah, I'm glad you put out your video blasting the dudes.

Rachel (42:58.226)
Yeah, thanks. Yeah.

I didn't mean to hurt any feelings.

Rob Pene (43:07.404)
No, it was good. Well, yeah, I don't know about those people in the comments. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All good. Okay. I will hit stop here. Thanks again.

Rachel (43:12.907)
is fun.